2019 has been a difficult year for my mental health. I have to admit, I struggled a lot to remove my anxieties with "think positive" and "keeping myself busy". Although these worked in some days and in some ways, admitting that I have a bad case of anxiety to my closest friends and even injecting it in convos with family ("Bat ako kinakabahan, ano ba to?") was the BEST first step I took to take charge of my uncontrollable thoughts and emotions.
The reason for my anxieties changed along with my age. It's not anymore worrying about a boyfriend or my future career (as I am in love with my work--even the challenges that come with it). And although we are not a rich family, I have never been one to worry too much about money for being the daughter of an ahente--ang mindset ko may mabebenta at mabebenta ako during those months when I needed to tighten my belt. My worries came from something we cannot control: death.
I realized that as I tread through my 30s with a slower metabolism and few facial wrinkles and gray hair, people around me are also getting older. I know it's an irrational fear, but I always think of it every morning. Okay pa ba sila lahat? Kamusta na senior dog namin si Keeks? Good health ba today sila mom and dad? These are just the mildest questions that ran inside my head the past months, I had the worst types I had to counter-think with "positivity" everyday.
But even these morbid thoughts come with an important lesson in life: That life is short so better make the most out of it. I spoil my parents to the best that I can. I enjoyed QT with our senior doggo. I value every relationships that I have. At the end of all these, it's not the number of likes, how many countries I've been to, or the amount in one's bank... But the moments we made and keep with people we love.
Thank you 2019 for the shake. We live for another year, and so we learn. Here are my 2019 Highlights!
Our New Doggo, Oreo!
An unexpected baby came in front of our house one random morning last January 2019. Oreo, an aspin from dad's hometown in Batangas, was sent to our family!
I think it was March when Oreo suffered from Parvo, a cruel sickness that only puppies get where they only have 50% chance of survival. But we endured, and Oreo gets to live! He is our daily source of joy in this household along with his Kuya Keeks. ❤
Random Gimmicks Around the City with Blog Friends!
When I am in the city, I am almost always with friends! What is an expensive Grab fare and tollgate fee if in exchange we get to share experiences in Van Gogh Manila or Hotel Sunnies, or watch a SEAGames or Korea fan meeting with my chosen fam?
Almost Monthly Work Trips
I've said this before, there was a time when I really felt tired of constant traveling (almost once a month this year!), but in my heart I am truly grateful for these opportunities that once were just prayers. Hindi lahat ng pagod ay malungkot! I am at my MOST TIRED AND at my HAPPIEST during my travels.
I learned so much not only from the different places and cultures, but also from all the people I was with in my 2019 travels. Thank you friends in life!
South Appreciation: Taal Vista Hotel + Pico De Loro
Cebu for Influencity: My First Bazaar Outside Metro Manila!
Best Trip Ever: Autumn in Hokkaido with Influencers from SE Asia!
My Korean Fan Girl Life!
My anti-anxieties pills: An episode of a Kdrama every night, Kpop fan gatherings, shopping for K-merch, and Korean idol fan meetings. These are my source of joy for 2019: May have drained my pockets, but filled my heart!
Dreams do come true! Fan Meeting of my main Unnie Lee Sung Kyung and Oppa Cha Eun Woo
Kpop Concert in Korea (Twice, BTS, etc)
Cha Eun Woo Pilgrimage in Seoul
Personal Travels
I am blessed to travel for free this year, but the moments I get to travel with family, friends, or my favorite solo adventures will have a special spot in my heart.
My Best Friend's Wedding in Bohol: Instant Barkada Trip!
Chiang Mai with my blog best friends Paul and Ava
India with Cea: Another Favorite 2019 Trip!
Hong Kong with Family: One of my Favorite Types of Travel!
Step-Up BU Events!
Bloggers United will be celebrating its 10th year next year, and I am glad that it has evolved from a bazaar to other gatherings with fellow social media personalities! This year we:
1. Had a Bloggers United talk in MOA Arena no less, in front of thousands of marketing students in the country!
2. Co-organized the new E! Pop Gala with E! Philippines (formerly E! Bloggers Ball)
Celebrated My Blog's 10th Year Anniversary while in Korea!
Celebrated My Blog's 10th Year Anniversary while in Korea!
My life and my work just turned 10 this year! I cannot believe that a hobby can become my lifetime job. Received so much congratulatory and thank you messages while I was in Korea, which made my heart burst!
Won an All-Expense Paid Trip to Jeju Island with Binggrae Philippines!
On my first day back in Jeju after more than a year, Cea and I went to the convenience store in our hotel's lobby and I cannot believe that I still felt kilig being there surrounded by food that comes with old travel memories: A cup of cheese ramyeun on a snowy winter night, a plastic bowl of grapes and tomatoes for breakfast, a pack of egg sandwich before heading to the shoot of Mimi Shop...
I wonder what 2020 has in stored for us? We may not know what the future holds, but the best thing to do is fight the worries with actions. Just get up every morning! To do everything that you want to do while you still can. To enjoy a mundane moment with loved ones while they are still here. To express your joy and love while people are still listening. We are all healthy and well, which makes 2019 a blessing.
2020 holds a lot of possibilities and beginnings! And I am so excited to welcome it with sparkling eyes albeit the doubts and fears. Ahh, God is truly good! Happy New Year! ❤
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3 Comments
I really can relate to all those anxieties, health and for me if I am providing enough for my family. Thanks to your blogs been coping up. ❤️
ReplyDeleteOh what a full 2019 journey. I really don't know the anxiety truely means until. I read from your blogs. As i read it. You struggle a lot from it. But you passed all of it. You are strong women. Just remember na may mga happy moments na dapat natin iremember pag tayo e nalulungkot. Thanks for the ride of 2019 from blog post Ms. Anna. Fighting 2020! 💕
ReplyDeleteAs always, loved reading your post!!! <3 You're one of the strongest people I know and I look up to you. LOVE YOU <3
ReplyDeleteYour turn! Always excited to read your comments! :)